Take What Tomorrow Brings
by xSweetiePiex
Summary: Shawn's having nightmares. He won't tell anyone. What can Jonathan Turner do to help? Will he turn his back on the boy who has became like a son to him? Will Shawn ever accept Jon as a father figure?
1. Am I Dreaming?

**This is my first BMW fanfic. It's called "Take What Tomorrow Brings." It takes place during the time Shawn lives with Mr. Turner.**

**I'm reposting this because of spacing errors. It wasn't like this when I typed it in Word... hmmm... do spacing errors randomly occur when anyone else posts on Oh well... Thanks bunches to Proops for pointing this out! I'll make the next part longer, I promise!**

**Summary: Shawn's problems coping with hidden demons of his past are complicated when they reappear. What will Jonathan Turner do to help? Will he turn his back on the boy who has become like a son to him?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own BMW or any of the characters, places, etc. Please do not sue me! I am not making any money off of this! **

**Please review! I'm new at writing ff, so any tips/comments/critiques are definitely appreciated!**

Sixteen-year-old Shawn Hunter shot up out of bed with a scared and confused moan. For a second, he didn't know where he was. For a second, he wasn't sure if his dad was really in the room next to him waiting to come after him again… or not. _Was it all a dream? _Shawn's dreams had been getting worse and worse. And more realistic. His face was flushed, and he pushed the covers off of him with a vengeance. It all started to come back to him. It always took a few moments for this to happen. He was safe. He was living with Mr. Turner now. His dad had just taken off and left him. Well, he was going after his mom. Shawn was mad at her for leaving, but he didn't really blame her for it. He would take off too if he had the chance. But that was over. Everything really was just a dream. _Get a hold of yourself! _He mentally chastised himself. This wasn't like Shawn. He hated being weak. He wasn't weak. He was strong. He could take care of himself. He didn't need **anybody**.

Shawn's breathing began to get back to a more normal pace. His eyelids began to feel so heavy, and soon he was beginning to fall back to sleep again. He couldn't make a big deal about this. He didn't want to worry Jon. After all Jon had done for Shawn, the least he could do in return was keep his personal problems to himself. The last thing he wanted to happen was Jon to be worried over nothing. And that's what all this was: Nothing. On that thought, he drifted back to sleep's oblivion.

"_Shawny!" A drunken Chet screamed at a slightly younger Shawn. "You good for nothing little piece of trash." His words began to slur together. This was the fourth night Chet had come home drunk. At first, Shawn had been glad Chet even came home at all. Then, he realized the how lucky he was when his dad stayed away all the time. When he was drunk, anything and everything pissed him off. This time, it was Shawn's fault. He forgot to make dinner that night. His mom was too tired after work, so she fell asleep. Shawn _should've _known better than to just make some Mac and cheese for himself. He fought back tears as he heard his dad beating his mom. With all the courage he had, he stepped between the two and his dad turned his attention to Shawn. And his leather belt. Shawn cried out, "Please. Stop. I'm sorry." Then, he watched in sheer terror as he saw the drunken face of his father was replaced by the face of Jonathan Turner. Now, the trailer park had faded into the familiar scene of the apartment. Jon was chasing him, screaming about how he was failing classes, and how he wasn't "good enough" for anything. As Jon raised a hand to strike Shawn, he woke up, screaming and thrashing wildly._

Jon, hearing the noises, came running into Shawn's room. He flicked on the light on his way in and the look on Shawn's face made him practically stop dead in his tracks. He had known this kid for so long, first as a teacher, and then practically as a father. Father figure, at least. He had seen Shawn's many emotions… happy, excited, sad, pissed off… but what he saw now was _fear_. Of him. And that made his heart break.

As Jon approached the teen, he curled up in the farthest corner of the bed. He was still in a dream state. He couldn't tell fact from figment of his imagination. Jon was in his room. To Shawn, this meant only one thing: That Jon was going to finish what he started in his dream.

Jon was confused. He knew that Shawn sometimes had trouble sleeping. The apartment was small and the walls thin. He could hear Shawn toss and turn occasionally. But he had no idea it was this bad. He didn't even know what to make of it. But, he did know that something was wrong. Something major. All he could do now was calm Shawn down. Jon was lost and felt powerless, which were too emotions he could not stand.

He raised his hands above his head to signal peace. "It's just me. Jon." He spoke softly. Something had turned Shawn from one of the toughest kids he knew to a frightened child cowering in the corner.

Something seemed to click in Shawn's head. He blinked up at his guardian. "Jon?" His voice was shaky, but calmer, and Jon took a deep breath. It was over. At least for now. "I'm sorry I woke you up." Shawn's head dropped and he stared at the tangled bed sheets and pillows tossed randomly all over the room. "Let me just get this back in order."

"Wait a minute." Jon started. Shawn's head snapped up to look at him. "I'll get it. You go back to bed." He approached Shawn's bed as he reluctantly climbed back into it. "Are you okay, Hunter?" His voice was thick with concern.

"Yeah, fine." Shawn's voice didn't convey that same message. "Goodnight, Mr. Turner."

Mr. Turner? Since when did Shawn call Jon "Mr. Turner"? Jon had to admit that it hurt a little. He thought that they were at a point in their relationship that Shawn was more comfortable with him. Jon knew that the teen's relationship had not been too good with his father. _But Jon had no idea how bad. _This sudden formality took Jon aback. "Goodnight." He flicked off the light switch on his way out. Something was going on with that kid. And he was going to find out what.


	2. Or Am I Just Walking In My Sleep?

**Thanks for all the reviews... so encouraging! Here's the second chapter! Enjoy... and please review. Thanks 3**

The next morning, Jon woke up early. He couldn't sleep very well after he incident with Shawn. He was really worried about his young charge.

Shawn hadn't slept well, either. He never did after those kinds of nights. The kind with relentless nightmares. He couldn't believe that he woke Jon up. He tried so hard not to let that happen. _Ever_.

Jon dragged his feet into the kitchen, where he lazily began to make breakfast. Normally, he wasn't too big on making breakfast, but today, he definitely needed to do something to get his mind focused on the school day coming up in a matter of a few hours. Shawn, fully dressed, but looked a little tired, waltzed into the kitchen with his backpack slung over his shoulder. He stole cautious glances at his guardian. His head was bowed obediently as he sank into one of the stools situated at the counter.

Jon didn't know where exactly to start. He really wanted to talk to Shawn, but was seriously at a loss. He just started with, "Hey."

Shawn didn't answer right away.

After a few moments of awkward silence, the two blurted out, "About last night…"

Jon smiled and noticed that a grin tugged at Shawn's lips as well. "You go first." Jon encouraged. Maybe this was going to be easier than he thought.

"I'm sorry I woke you up." Shawn started. He kept eye contact, but lowered his head slightly.

"It's okay." Jon paused, waiting for Shawn to say something. When he didn't, he continued. "Anything you wanna talk about?"

"Talk about? Me? No, I'm fine." Shawn said with mock-assuredness.

"Okay, Hunter. But you know I'm always here for you, right?" Jon wanted to believe him. He wanted so badly to believe that Shawn was all right. To believe that nothing was bothering him. But, he couldn't. Because it wasn't true and they both knew it.

"Yeah, I know." Jon's eyes locked with Shawn's and there was a quiet, deep, intense connection between the two.

"Good. Because I care about you." Jon tried to assure him. For the first time in the conversation, Shawn seemed serious. He seemed somber, and Jon thought for a split second that he might actually open up and tell Jon what was bothering him.

"Yeah, me too." Nonchalantly spoken, Shawn's words destroyed the hope of him telling Jon what was going on. "But I have to be going early to school. Um… paper with Cory."

_Paper with Cory? What kind of excuse is that? _Jon thought. He hated that Shawn was lying to him now. He knew there was no "paper" and Shawn was definitely not the type to go into school early to do anything. Sighing, Jon looked at the forgotten breakfast supplies, and throwing them in the sink, got ready to go to school a little bit early. _Maybe talking to Feeny will help. He knows these kids so well._ With that thought, Jon prepared himself to find out about what was going on with the kid he grew to love so much.

Shawn had left the apartment, not looking back until he was well on his way to John Adams High. He didn't want Jon to see the single tear that managed to escape his eye. He was so tired and angry and confused. About everything. His nightmares. His whole life was in shackles and he had no one to talk to about it. Except Cory. Cory was always there for him. Jon had told him they could always talk. But, what else was he supposed to say? He was just being nice.

Shawn knew Cory always got to school pretty early, and today was no exception. Walking up to his locker, Shawn greeted him with a low and quiet, "Hey, man."

"Hey, Shawny, you know I haven't…" Cory started rambling on, like he always did until he looked up at his best friend and saw the dark circles and disdained look on his face. "Oh my gosh. What's wrong?" Cory knew his friend so well that asking was merely a formality.

"Nothing, man."

Cory laughed a little to himself. "You except me to believe that? I bet that's what you told Turner, right?" Shawn nodded. "The nightmares again." He didn't even wait for Shawn to verify. He wasn't asking a question, and both boys knew it. "I'm sorry."

Shawn flinched slightly at the unexpected sincerity of Cory's voice. "I know. Thanks." He took a deep breathe in, and exhaled loudly.

"So… you okay, buddy?" Corey asked. Shawn looked significantly worse than usual. It had been only been a few weeks since Shawn told Cory about having the nightmares. Before then, Cory had no idea his best friend had been abused. Knowing that Shawn went through that for so many years without tellinghim... or anyone broke his heart. He couldn't believe he never noticed anything… like bruises, welts, something… Maybe if Cory were a better best friend he would've noticed. Maybe he could have rescued Shawn. But it was too late for regrets. All that mattered now was not letting Shawn down again.

Shawn just nodded. Cory wrapped his arms around him in a quick hug. "They just seem so… real. I feel like he's there."

"Your dad." Cory stated.

"Yeah."

"Have you talked to Turner about any of this?" Cory knew how close they had become. And who knew? Maybe forging an even closer relationship with him might make the bad dreams stop.

"No. And I can't." Shawn was adamant about this. His voice was strong and unwavering.

"Why not?" Cory started. "He could help. It would be worth a shot. And Turner cares about you. He'd want to know the truth." Shawn dropped his eyes.

"I'm not so sure about that." Cory started to protest again, but then Shawn stopped him. "**He's** one of the people in my dreams… who… whoend up kicking my $$." The words were hard to say. Shawn had been struggling with this for a while, but saying the words made everything seem more real.

"WHAT?" Cory was so shocked. "Mr. Turner would never hurt you!" Shawn looked doubtfully at him.

"Okay, sohe gave me a home. But, everything comes at a price. What's his?" Shawn's voice grew oddly cynical, like this was something he had been conditioned to believe,and Cory was once again speechless.

So was Mr. Turner, who had got on his bike and made it to school right behind Shawn. Now, he was never one to pry, and he certainly respected Shawn's privacy, but this was something he needed to find out about. Something was wrong. So, he followed Shawn in and hid behind lockers, listening to their conversation. Jon never claimed to be the best parental unit, but he tried his best. Had he really done this poorly with Shawn that he couldn't even trust him? Did Shawn _really_ think Jon would hit him? Jon really hoped not.

Shawn was scared of him? He never would have guessed that. Sure, the boy was upset last night, Jon had thought that was why he acted the way he did. Surely, Shawn knew that Jon didn't want anything from him… right? He was going to have to have a long talk with him. But, not right now. He had to get to class. His thoughts were interrupted by the loud, forbearing ring of the first hour class.

It was going to be a long day.

**Please Review! Thanks!**


	3. I Don't Believe In

**Sorry this took so long! I hope you enjoy! Please, read and review!**

**I don't own anything/anybody... don't sue!**

_**Edit: I'm trying to fix spacing errors… this site is always messing up my spacing! I don't know what to do! Hopefully, this will work!**_

Mr. Turner walked towards his classroom. He had to clear his head long enough to get through the school day. What was getting him the most was that he had been so sure that what he was doing for Shawn was the right thing. Taking him in. He thought that everything would work itself out with a little effort. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Shawn needed more help than Jon could give him. He immediately regretted having those thoughts. That was exactly what Shawn was afraid of. That Jon would give up on him. He couldn't let that happen. He couldn't let Shawn think that his love was conditional… that someday he would just beat the crap out of him or kick him out. Shawn had far too many people in his life that just bailed out on him when the going got tough.

A scarier thought was that maybe Shawn would let him be violent or cruel. Meaning that Shawn would accept anything Jon doled out without a fight. Jon found it disturbing how little he knew about the kid living with him. How could he not have seen the abuse? Now, looking back, the signs were there. And he was a teacher… a mandatory reporter for child abuse. How could he have been so blind?

But Jon couldn't think of that now. There were other kids he had to pay attention to, his students. As he was entering his classroom, he heard footsteps behind him and instinctively turned towards them.

"Mathews." Jon greeted Shawn's best friend, Cory.

"Hey, Mr. Turner." Cory raised his hand to wave. "Um… do you have a minute?" Cory glanced nervously at the clock on the wall.

"Yeah, sure." Jon sat down on the edge of his desk and motioned for the teen to take a seat as well. Cory reluctantly lowered himself into a desk in the front row. "What's on your mind?" Jon urged, when Cory didn't start right away.

"It's Shawn." Cory didn't know where to start. He felt like a traitor. He had felt like this ever since Shawn told him about his dad's abuse. Cory felt like he let his best friend down by not knowing… even though Shawn hadn't told him. Now, he was feeling worse. But this time, Cory knew that silence couldn't fix Shawn's problems. And, he figured Mr. Turner ought to know. "I don't know if… well, I mean…. You probably know about his…. nightmares." Cory didn't want to seem offensive by suggesting that Mr. Turner didn't know what was going on in Shawn's life.

Jon nodded. He didn't know what to say. He really didn't know that much. Just the little he had gotten out of Shawn that morning... and his eavesdropping.

"Look, Shawn's probably going to kill me for talking to you… but I think you need to know…" Cory looked so distraught that Jon couldn't help but to walk over behind him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "He's so scared that you're going … going to kick him out. Or hit him or something."

Cory waited for some reaction… some indicator that Jon had been listening to what he had to say. When he got no such response, he pressed on. "Mr. Turner? What, did you know already?"

Jon looked at him, shamefaced. "You were there this morning, weren't you?" Cory didn't wait for Jon to nod slightly. It was the only way he could have known. Shawn said he never told him. "You were eavesdropping on us." His tone was accusatory.

"No! I didn't mean to." Jon wanted to at least justify himself. "Shawn had a rough night last night. Something seemed off…"

"So you followed him here early and spied on him." Cory's words were harsh, which caused Jon to suddenly become defensive.

"Okay, so maybe I did. But only because I care about him." Jon's voice rose sharply.

"Yeah, really? You care about me, huh?" Cory and Turner whipped around to find Shawn standing in the doorway, his eyes brimming with an odd mixture of betrayal, anger, and hurt. "Really, now?"

"Hunter…" Turner started, but Shawn cut him off.

"Because as I see it, my best friend and my guardian are here talking about me behind my back. You know what? I don't need you. Either of you. I'll be fine on my own!" Shawn locked eyes with Cory before throwing his books down and taking off as fast as he could in the opposite direction. Jon was right on his heels. He caught up with him in the hallway and grabbed his arm.

"Hey! Hey! Stop it right there!" Jon forced Shawn to look him in the eye. "Come on, man, let's talk. Okay?"

"Man? Oh, come on, man…" Shawn mocked Mr. Turner. "Let go of me." His voice suddenly became caustic and sunk dangerously low.

"Not until we talk about this." Jon made his voice match that of the teen.

"I'm serious. Let me go." Shawn's icy voice cut into Jon's heart.

"Or, what? You'll hit me?" Jon approached his intended topic. "Go ahead, take a swing. You think it would change anything? Oh, I get it. You hit me, then I can hit you… or kick you out."

Shawn pulled his eyes away from his guardian's. "What are you talking about?" Shawn wasn't exactly the best liar ever.

"Shawn…" The use of Shawn's first name got his attention. "Look at me, kid."

"Look, Turner. I don't know what the hell you are talking about. Now, let me go." That was it. Shawn knew exactly what he was talking about. And maybe, now was the time to go, to leave, take off. He did not want to deal with what Turner knew about. Besides, he had been a hassle for Mr. Turner long enough. "Look, I'll be out of your hair soon enough."

Even though he tried to stop him, Shawn pushed past Mr. Turner and disappeared into a crowd of tardy students.

"George?" Turner sought out his mentor and fellow teacher. "Could you get a sub for my classes?"

"What's going on?" Mr. Feeny was suddenly concerned.

"It's Shawn. I need to talk to him. I'm afraid he's gonna take off again."

"Oh, dear. What a surprise. Mr. Hunter taking off." Mr. Feeny's mocking fell upon deaf ears. With one puppy dog look from Turner, he agreed. "Okay, okay. I'll cover for you!"

"Thanks, George! I owe you."

"I'll write it down in my book." George replied.

_Ah, what George Feeny did for the teachers he paid and the students he cared about_.

**Reviews? Thanks!**


	4. Anything That You Want Me To

**Hello again! I'm so sorry this story took so long to update! And you guys are such great readers (and reviews). I shouldn't have made you wait so long. It's not really my fault, real life is getting in the way. I promise to update more often, though. And longer installments, even though this one isn't going to be that long because it's late and I'm tired. But I really wanted to get this one up.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Boy Meets World or the characters. I'm not making any money off of this.**

**Feedback is much appreciated! So, please review! I take into consideration all my reviews… so yeah, if you suggest something, your voice will be heard. I sound like someone on the radio or something. Lol.**

Jon darted out of the school. He didn't know where to look exactly. He figured Shawn couldn't have gotten too far in the time he talked to Mr. Feeny. Shawn was clearly upset, and had reason to be. At least, a little bit. Jon was so afraid that Shawn would now do something he'd regret – or end up getting in trouble for. Jon felt a terrible pang of guilt.

He hopped in his car and began to drive around the normal spots Shawn usually hung out. The main streets. The movie theatre. He finally decided to drive by a park out of sheer desperation. He saw a slouched over figure in the distance sitting on a bench.

_Shawn._

Jon quickly pulled over and parallel parked like a pro. He got out of the car as fast and as quietly as possible. The last thing he wanted to do was scare Shawn… or worse, make him take off again.

Circling from behind, Jon plopped himself down next to Shawn.

"This seat taken?" He asked casually.

Upon seeing him, Shawn jumped up to run. Jon was quicker, though, and grabbed his arm before he had the chance to leave.

"Hey!" Jon spoke loudly. "Where do ya think you're going?"

Shawn didn't answer his question. "Let me go."

"Hunter, why don't we go back to my apartment and talk about it."

"That's just the thing!" Shawn exploded again.

"What? What's 'the thing'?" Jon had to admit that he was totally lost with this issue. He didn't really know what was going on. With concern filled eyes, he tried to catch Shawn's gaze. He thought that maybe he could read him better. Shawn wasn't betraying much emotion at the moment.

"_I_ don't want to talk about it." Shawn replied in apparent disdain. "Besides, you don't need _me_ to talk about it. Why don't you talk about it with Cory? Or maybe Topanga would have some insight." Shawn's voice rose dangerously.

"Hey! That's not fair." Jon tried to argue. "Matthews came to me." Jon felt guilty pushing this all on Cory. He _was_ the one who eavesdropped, after all.

"Oh, and he was the one who was spying on me too, right?" Shawn started. "I heard you guys."

_Oh._ Jon forgot that Shawn overheard how Jon overheard his conversation. Oops.

"Look, Shawn. I'm sorry. I was worried about you." Jon's voice was raw with emotion. Shawn seemed to react to this statement, so Jon decided to continue. "Let's just go back to the apartment, okay?"

Shawn nodded. Jon gently rested his hand on Shawn's upper back. Shawn became stiff at his guardian's touch, but didn't pull away. Jon needed the physical contact; he was afraid of Shawn running again.

The car ride was pretty silent, except for the monotonous drone of morning AM radio. As soon as the pair made it up to the apartment, it was almost 8:30 am. Shawn plopped down on the couch and reached for the remote.

"Wait a second." Jon's voice was now back to its strong self.

Shawn just looked up at him.

"Ready to talk now?"

He wasn't. But he didn't know what to say. "Why… Why don't you trust me?"

Jon stopped. He wasn't expecting that. "I do trust you."

"Really." Shawn interrupted. "So, you were spying on me because…?"

Okay. So that was what this was going to be about. "Hunter, you scared me last night…"

"My nightmares. That's what this is about?" Shawn stood up. "Everyone has nightmares, Jon. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It doesn't mean you can't trust me."

"I know, Shawn." Jon decided to use his first name again. Shawn was getting a bit hysterical. "Please, can't you talk to me?"

Shawn just kept talking through Jon's voice. "It doesn't mean I'm a bad person. It wasn't my fault. It doesn't mean you have to hit me. It doesn't mean I need to be 'punished'…"

Wait. Jon thought. Did Shawn just say hit?

"Huh? I don't know what you're talking about…"

Shawn drew in a shuddered breath and continued repeating the same things. Jon was so confused as Shawn broke down, hysterically sobbing.

"I'm sorry… I won't do it again…" Shawn's voice was broken, pained.

Jon rushed over to him. Then it dawned on him. Everything clicked. Shawn wasn't talking about _him._ Either consciously or not, Shawn was telling Jon _exactly _what he wanted to hear… and what Shawn needed to say. "Hunter? Hunter? It's me. Jon Turner. It's all over now. It's going to be okay." Jon reached out to envelop him in a hug, but Shawn struggled for a good while before collapsing in Jon's arms. When the boy was calmer, he led Shawn to the couch and they sat down.

Shawn still shaking, and Jon looking more worried then ever, they started to have one of the hardest conversations either one had ever had. Jon had never felt so guilty before. He had learned about reporting child abuse cases. He knew how damaging abuse was. It had just never hit so close to home before. He had never seen it transform one of the toughest kids he'd seen into the scared, vulnerable _child_ in front of him. The idea scared Jon…

"Please don't hit me." Shawn begged quietly.

"Shawn…I'd **never** hit you." Jon's voice shook. The intense fear in Shawn's eyes as they strayed to the leather belt wrapped around Jon's waist was too much for him to bear.

Shawn looked like he didn't believe him. He was caught in some type of mental state halfway between reality and memories. His nightmares seemed real. He was a scared, helpless kid again. And Jon couldn't stand it…

…**. & the verdict is? Please review. Thanks.**


	5. But I Believe In Me

**Disclaimer: I don't own Boy Meets World or the characters. I'm not making any money off of this!**

**Oh, and just for reference…. There was a review left asking why I thought that Chet was abusing Shawn… well, I don't. At least, not in the show. But in my fanfiction (aka fiction), yes, Chet abused Shawn. I never said it was that way in the television show. Just clearing that up! **

**Thanks and please review!**

"It's gonna be okay, buddy… I promise…" Jon tried to soothe him, but he knew he was in way over his head. What did he expect from Shawn? He wasn't even sure if he could handle what Shawn was going to tell him. It was obvious that someone had hit him… _abused him_… made him feel insignificant and not worthy of anything. Jon tried to subdue his rising anger.

He got up and walked towards the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator. The cold air rushed up to his face, calming him slightly. The last thing he wanted to do was scare Shawn with his anger. After all, he wasn't angry with **him**, he was angry with his tormentor. He grabbed two bottles of water. When he handed one to Shawn, he noticed that the fog of confusion had cleared up in his eyes. Shawn no longer was caught in a mental state where he wasn't sure where he was. Thank God for that. The look of bewilderment was replaced with one of embarrassment and vulnerability.

Jeez, this kid looks so young. Jonathan thought. In fact, his mind was racing with questions. And first and foremost, was who was hitting him? He was pretty sure he knew the answer. And if it were Chet, like he thought, he would make sure that he **never** had the opportunity to hurt him again. Ever.

Jon Turner sat next to the young man he came to love. Yet, at this moment, he felt so far away from him. He knew nothing about the terror he lived in, the imagined world where everyone was out to hurt him. These thoughts tore at Jon's heart. He had never felt this way towards someone else… he imagined this was the kind of caring that Kat was talking about. The kind of unconditional _love_ for someone other than yourself.

Jon reached his hand out towards Shawn, who, to his surprise, didn't pull back. He rested his hand on the boy's back. Shawn lowered his head into his hands, and Jon could hear his muffled sobs.

"No." Shawn stated solemnly when Jon returned with the water. "No, it's not gonna be okay. Nothing is ever gonna be okay." He took a sip of the water. His voice was hoarse. He was huddled in the corner of the couch.

"What do you mean?" Jon asked. "We're gonna work this out. You and me."

"That's not what you want." Shawn spat out. "You couldn't care about me."

_Couldn't care about me._

The words rang in Jon's ears. "Of course, I care about you." He paused. "I love you." He added quietly.

Shawn's demeanor changed slightly. "Why? Why would you even bother with a screw up like me?"

Jon looked at the boy incredulously. Shawn's eyes met his. "Is that what you think you are?" His voice rose a little. "A screw up? Is that all you think of yourself?"

"Everyone else thinks that." Shawn waited for Jon to respond, when he didn't, he added. "That's what you think."

"That's not true." Jon's volume shot up. Shawn was taken aback slightly. "You are **not** a screw up. You couldn't be farther away from the truth!"

"Yeah?" Shawn's defenses were up now. "And now I bet you're going to tell me that I didn't deserve to be hit. That I didn't mess up my dad's life…" his voice trailed off as Shawn stood up. Defiance was clear in his eyes.

"You didn't, Hunter." Jon tried to stay as calm as possible. "Nobody does. You didn't deserve to get hurt like that… And you didn't screw up **anyone's** life. I promise you that."

Shawn drew in a long breath. He wanted so badly to believe his guardian. He wanted to start crying and let Jon hold him like he was still a little kid. He wanted to tell Jon all the secrets he had buried in the depths of his soul. He wanted this so bad, but there was nothing he could do about it.

Jon was conflicted as well. He wanted to run up to Shawn, grab him, and hold him. He wanted to hug him and never let go. He wanted to make all Shawn's painful memories disappear and make sure nobody ever touched him again. He knew this wasn't all possible, though. Not for the first time, Jon doubted his ability to be Shawn's guardian. Maybe he wasn't what the boy needed… and if he was hindering Shawn in any way, he'd never be able to forgive himself. But, he also realized that the last thing Shawn needed was someone abandoning him yet again.

Jon was thrust from his thoughts by Shawn's shaking voice. "I ruined your life, didn't I?"

Wow, this kid was insecure. "No, of course not. You really think I didn't want you to live here? I invited you, remember that, Hunter?"

Shawn nodded wordlessly. "Thanks."

"The pleasure's mine." Jon paused. "You know, if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you, you do know that?"

"Or you can just spy on me again." There was that sarcasm back in Shawn's voice. Jon rolled his eyes.

"Shawn…" Jon said, warningly.

"I know, I know, lose the attitude, right?" Shawn gave Jon a small smile. "I…I'm sorry that I didn't come to you a-about the dreams…" Jon gave Shawn some time to form the rest of the words. "I just thought that you… you might be mad."

"Why would I be mad about something like that?"

"I don't know." Shawn started, then ventured. "I just thought… that… that you would be pissed that I'm living here… taking all this stuff you're giving me… and how do I repay you? Wake you up in the middle of the night? Have nightmares that you… that you…"

"Turn out like the other guys in your life?"

"Yeah." Shawn sent him a grateful glance.

"Well, that's not gonna happen, Hunter." Jon said, a new resolve bubbling in him. "And you're not going to have to worry about your dad ever hurting you again, either." Shawn glared at him, obviously confused. "Because… I'm applying for your legal guardianship."

**TBC… Reviews?**


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